


How not to take a family photo

by Kokalo



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alcohol, Brotherly Love, Gen, Humor, No Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 16:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15732795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokalo/pseuds/Kokalo
Summary: Italy manages to bug Romano to take a family photo with him. Everything goes as well as you would expect.Oneshot.





	How not to take a family photo

One midsummer day, Italy brothers decided to take a family picture. Actually, Italy bugged Romano into submission to do it. And, after a lot of curses and yelling, they did come to agreement. Seborga as third brother was called as well and that was it. That was the deal. What Romano didn’t expect is to be waiting on the field, specifically chosen by Italy because why the Hell would they be taking a picture in a nice shade in a house, while he was accompanied not only but his brothers but also Potato Bastard and Japan as well. And it didn’t help that one he was waiting for was Spain. At all.

“Ne, Romano, why are you so sour?” Romano feels his eyebrow twitch as he faces his brother. Italy was sitting next to him on the field, Japan and Potato Bastard next to him and Seborga god knows in what tree he was. Camera was setup and waiting, still as it was when they put it there.

“Family picture Veneziano.”

“Ve~ We are all a family!” Japan flinches at the sudden outburst.

“They _were your_ allies and not a family your idiot.” Romano looks at Germany out of corner of his eye. “I don’t want the Potato Bastard in the picture especially.” Germany only sighs in response.

“Um, apologies for interrupting, but as I said, if you don’t want us here we will leave.” Japan said, speaking in usual reserved tone of his.

“Nonsense! Big brother is just cranky today, right?” Italy just floods his vision and Romano flinches away.

“Tch.” He sharply turns his head.

“You also invited Spain, didn’t you?” Germany asks.

“Do you have a problem with that?”

“I did a great deal of research before I met Italy and I found nowhere you and Spain are related. So, by the logic you are proposing to Italy, Spain shouldn’t be in picture either.” Romano blinks and looks away, letting out another ‘tch’ sound. Before that could escalate anyhow, there was sound of helicopter and well, Romano was ready to be done with everything.

“Dudes, I have arrived!” Romano facepalmed while others looked with confusion. The helicopter landed without the incident, thank Lord but it did bring a walking accident with him. “Hero is here!”

“America?” Japan asked, tilting his head. America exits himself from the helicopter, which was by the way, army helicopter.

“Bloody Hell, you idiot. Surely this was supposed to be a surprise.” England and…

“I am master of surprises! Right, Canada?” America looks to his right and then to left. “Where did he go?”

“I am right here America.” Soft and annoyed tone comes from his left and everybody finally notices the country called Canada with a weird bear.

“There you are! Don’t disappear like that.” He smacks lightly his shoulder. “As I was saying, ta-da! Surprise!” now England smacks his palm on his forehead and Canada himself looks dangerously close to doing the same. “Oh, I almost forgot! Unload the package!” military men jump out of helicopter and unload a long picnic table, put down a bench or two and unload some mountains of food on it. England does a sweep of the presented food and turns to America.

“And where is my food?”

“I dunno. Somewhere in the ocean?”

“You threw away _my_ food!?”

“That wasn’t even the food, more like charcoal.” England smacks him on the shoulder but America pays no mind as soldier salutes him and helicopter takes off. “So, party starts when?” before anyone can speak up anything anymore, Romano is up on his feet.

“And who the fuck invited you?” America puts his hands in the air.

“I overheard a party, so I spread the information around, and devised a surprise!” before Romano can strangle someone, Germany gets up and takes the situation in his own hands.

“This was supposed to be family picture taking, not a party. Furthermore, it was supposed to be a small meeting.”

“Aw shucks.”

“I swear, you only hear what you want to, you git.”

“Wait, hold on, if it is a family picture, why are Germany and Japan here?”

“Because my dumbass brother insisted.”

“A-ha. Anyway, I got us all food so let’s promote it in a party!” America cheers, turning to the table with food. England sighs and takes a seat on the opposite side of table while Canada… Canada disappeared somewhere again.

“We should take seat as well.” Japan states, getting up and dusting off his pants.

“Ja. Let’s go Italy.” Italy nods in return, on his feet in a second.

“Yes Sir! Seborga!” he calls and sees a shift in leaves in a nearby tree. “Food!” and Seborga is off the tree and somewhere seated. Romano lags behind and suddenly, out of nowhere, there is Italy again. “Come on Romano, it will be fun.”

“Tch.” Romano mumbles, looking away from his brother.

“Italy!” Germany calls again, and Romano himself flinches.

“Yes Sir!” Italy calls back with quick salute before turning back to Romano. “It will be super, super fun, I promise!” Romano doesn’t answer but matches his brother’s walking pace. He highly doubted it. Once Italy seated himself, it was naturally on Germany’s right side while Japan was on Germany’s left. Usually he would seat himself between two of his friends but prospect of leaving his brother to sit alone didn’t seat well with him. In the end, Romano sat next to Italy but kept small void of space between them. America stuffed his face with various of his foods while most of everyone else looked at the food in distinct disgust, Seborga opting to just lay down on the bench. Meanwhile, England produced a cup and tea out of nowhere, sipping on it.

“Dudes, you should eat!” America remarked between two hamburgers.

“Don’t speak with full mouth, it’s bad manners.” England said as he sipped his tea.

“Can it.” America swallows as he looks at others. “So, what’s new?”

“Besides some American crashing today, nothing.” Romano barks in response.

“Rude.”

“More the merrier, brother!” before Italy can pull him closer, Romano jerks away from him. “Oh, will you take picture with us?”

“That family-photo-thingy? Sure.”

“And when I suggest we take a family picture you just scoff at me.”

“Oh, come onnnn, nobody has time for that!” England blinks, almost unable to comprehend the situation at hand while Germany’s eyebrow twitches.

“Actually, France and I take one every year.” Quiet voice of… Canada was it? Speaks up right next to America.

“What!?” England nearly spits his tea. “But-?”

“America never told me you wanted to take family pictures England.” America scratches back of his head.

“I might’ve forgot.”

“And you knew about this Frog’s picture taking?!”

“Hm? Of course, I knew.” After that, everything designates in mess of random British insults and America’s retorts.

“And I though my family has issues.” Remarks Japan.

“Ja.” Before the table can experience sweet release of flight and ultimately death, there is call from the edge of field.

“Italy!” there are Hungary and Austria, Austria looking like he ran a mile.

“Scheiße” Germany smacks hand against his face. Romano, meanwhile, just stares blankly while Italy hurries to greet Hungary and Austria. He moves around them like excited little dog, Romano notes. When they do come to table, Hungary greets them rather happily while Austria does it in his own irritable fashion. Funny enough, everybody seems to engage in some kind of conversation. Germany and Austria are talking about cleaning while Hungary seems to move in and out of conversation. America, Japan and Italy are talking about food and games. Canada and England seem to be talking about…something family related. Seborga is sleeping. And Romano is just sitting there. Too many people which he didn’t like. Dammit, where was Spain? Not that he liked Spain either, for the record. He was just… different. Yeah, sure. Subconsciously, Romano moved closer to Italy and got in his reach. And what do you know, as soon as he was in that reach, Italy got his hand around his shoulder and pulled him closer.

“Stupid brother, what are you-?”

“My big brother Romano is a good cook as well! You should try pasta he makes Japan!” Romano felt slight blush rise to his cheeks.

“I never tried Romano-san’s cooking. I should get on it when I visit Italy again, if Romano-san agrees.”

“Man, I would like to try it too!” America cheers and Romano looks away.

“Do what you want.” Italy leans away towards his companions.

“Ve~That means he doesn’t mind.” He half-whispers and Romano blushes a bit more.

“What dishes do you cook, Romano-san?” before Romano even has a chance to think of his answer, here comes his younger brother.

“Oh, Romano was raised by big brother Spain, so he really likes tomatoes!”

“Don’t speak for me you bastard!”

“Ve~ It’s true!” Italy whines and Romano finally manages to wrench himself out of his grip.

“Whatever!” Romano snaps but doesn’t move away from his brother.

“Man, you really are cranky, aren’t you?” America scratches back of his head.  “Sometimes it is hard to believe you are Italy’s brother.”

“America-san, you and Canada-san are quite different as well.”

“Who?” America flinched when someone slapped him lightly on his shoulder. He turned to side he was slapped, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry bro.” Canada just sighs and returns to whatever conversation he was having. “That proves nothing.” America sharply turns back to Japan.

“Hai.”

“So, anyway-” before America gets to rumble to infinity again, chill passes up his spine. Same goes to England who was sitting a bit further. “He is behind me, isn’t he?” Italy at this point was leaning away from the table while Romano attempted to hide behind him.

“Hello.” America flinches and turns towards person behind him.

“Creepy hello to you too.”

“I wasn’t speaking to you, Amerika.” Looming figure of Russia says, eyes going over everyone but America.

“Do you have to fight immediately?” oh, China was there too, just behind Russia. And small as he was nobody even noticed him.

“Russia-san, China-san.” Japan politely bowed.

“So, you came as well?” England asks, looking strictly at Russia.

“Amerika invited me. I expected him to invite me for other purpose, so I brought a friend. Making friends is better than my assumption anyway!” Russia smiles and rounds around the table, sitting next to Romano of all people. Romano predictably shrieks. It should be noted that a seat away, Germany is mumbling a German swear word of some kind. Russia himself was holding a hand in an air in greeting, hesitant. China sat on the other side of table. Meanwhile, Romano switched places with Italy, placing himself between Italy and Germany. Apparently disgust for Germany was milder than fear of Russia. That being said, Italy was leaning back too, towards Germany, nervously looking at Russia.

“I don’t want to be rude, but Italians are really jumpy, da?”

“Dude, everyone is jumpy around you.”

“Oh. But I want everyone to be friends!” Italy flinches a bit further away.

“Well, you could start by wiping that creepy smile from your face.” America barks, looking sharply at Russia who’s face turned sour at that exact moment.

“Is that a challenge Amerika?”

“Only if-” England shoves a nearby hamburger in America’s mouth.

“Bloody Hell shut up for once.” America spits it out, turning to England.

“What was that for!?”

“For not zipping your mouth! Try to act a bit more respectful, we are guests here.”

“Dude-”

“Enough.” Germany’s word cuts the air, and everything stills for a moment. “Italy, Romano, switch places with me.” Germany gets up and waits. To his surprise, both Romano and Italy obey immediately, scooting closer to Japan while he sits between them and Russia.

“For the record, what did you think America was inviting you for?” England asks, leaning on his hands.

“Oh, I was thinking a fight.” Russia answers, rather cheery. “But having fun with you all is better, da?”

“Blimey… We nearly witnessed the start of World War 3.”

“And I would win because-!” this time it’s Canada who shoves a burger in his mouth.

“And I thought my family was problematic.” China remarks, earning a nod from Japan.

“Hai.”

“America, did you invite anymore people?” America, who finally stopped coughing parts of burger that entered his windpipe, looked at Germany.

“No. I think everyone is here.”

“So, we are still missing Spain?” chimed in Hungary.

“Ja.”

“Really? I am sure I overheard Frog saying how he got invited as well.” England looked at America and then switched his eyes to Germany.

“Italy, did you invite France?” Germany asked, turning to Italy.

“I don’t think so?  Romano?” Romano blanched.

“Stupid Spain.” He mumbled under the breath before facing everyone. “Bastard Spain probably did.”

“And if Spain invited France then- Oh Lord no.” England covered his face with his hand. Russia tilted his head, like confused puppy. Italy, somewhat mirrored that movement.

“Spain, France and my bruder. Like there weren’t enough headaches here.”

“Did somebody call us?!” there goes unmistakable sound of Prussia’s voice. Immaculate timing if anything. “It is awesome me, Prussia! With me are-”

“France, country of love, at your service. And-” says France with rose in his hand.

“Spain! Country of tomatoes!” Romano snorts as he hears the introductions while others are mostly speechless. Japan is only one who is clapping somewhat, probably in odd fascination. Romano is up and about first, poking Spain in the shoulder continually.

“You useless bastard! Were you late because you were rehearsing that!?”

“Aw, Romano, don’t you like the performance?”

“No, it’s embarrassing trash!” Spain looks at the Prussia and France, Prussia showing a gesture of what could be roughly translated into “bail” while France is shrugging.

“Well, we rehearsed yesterday… We were late because I was getting the rest of group.”

“Tch. Don’t do that again.” Spain nods.

“So, wait, you really rehearsed that?” America asks, getting up from his seat.

“Sure?” and that is a cue. Hungary laughs first, hitting the table with her hand.

“Nothing was funny in that!” Prussia moves closer to her, Gilbrid jumping on his head. Only answer he gets is more laugher from Hungary. If you looked closely, behind hand Austria kept over his mouth, he was chuckling. China was mumbling something about “Westerners” while Russia joined into laugher. Italy did as well. Japan, who was for the record just observing weird situation, looked at Germany, who was covering his face in embarrassment.

“If only I had a camera!” America laughs, joined by England. Canada smiles as well while France just crosses his hands.

“Romano are you angry?” asks Spain. Romano just turns his head sharply. “I brought tomatoes.” He smiles and pulls one out of his pocket. Now that he mentioned it, there was a crate of tomatoes on the floor. And crate of something else. Something Prussia reached for.

“Oi, West!” he threw a bottle behind him and somehow Germany caught it before it hit somebody in the head. “Beer for everyone!”  Romano reached towards Spain, taking a tomato he held.

“This doesn’t mean you are forgiven, bastard.” Spain smiled, and Romano sharply turned his head.

“Big brother Spain!” Here comes Italy out of nowhere, hooking a hand over Romano’s neck and turning him back towards Spain.

“Ack, Veneziano-!”

“Hello, Italy! Thank you two for invitation! I invited my friends too, I hope you don’t mind.” He scratches back of his head.

“Ve~ I don’t mind at all! A lot of people came already anyway!” 

“Yeah, I wanted to ask where everyone else came from?”

“Tch. Stupid American thought it was a party, so he invited everyone.”

“Si! But the more the merrier.” Romano sighs.

“Si, I’ve got to agree with you Italy.”

“Alright, now everyone is here and before this ends in a disaster, we should take the picture.” Germany announces, settling the beer on the table.

“He was totally looking at you.” America nudges England who as already down to half of his first beer.

“Oh, shut up you git.” As mass of people moves to where the camera is, somehow, they all managed to find their place in the picture. Prussia is one to set the timer to take three pictures in quick succession. He runs back into the frame and the pictures are taken.

Later, when Hungary of all people gets her hands-on camera, she smiles. First picture is textbook, Seborga in the first line, lying on the grass in front of Italy. To Italy’s left there is Germany, followed by Japan. On his right is Romano next to who is Spain. In the third row, above the Italy brothers is Prussia. To his right is Hungary and to his left is Austria. Bear in mind that Prussia pushed himself between them. France was next to Hungary, posing with his rose, followed by England, America and Canada. On the other side, next to Austria was Russia followed by China.

Second picture is less textbook, Italy moved closer to Germany and Romano looks about ready to bite someone. Austria and Hungary noticed Prussia just then, moving away a bit in surprise. England smacked France’s rose, and America was leaning on front, teasing Russia who was looking at him with murderous intent. Canada looked quite done.

Third picture was where everything fell apart. Romano was screaming at Germany at this point and Spain was scratching back of his head. Germany moved a bit away while Italy raised his hands in the air. Japan was staying a step away, rather confused. Austria up there was looking angry, Hungary herself pulled out her pan and Prussia was holding his hands up in surrender. England and France on the side were screaming at each other while America showed a middle finger to other side. That being Russia who held his pipe halfway in the air. Canada was now covering his eyes with a hand. China was as confused as Japan. Only Seborga remained same, lying down on the grass.

Hungary concluded, the pictures were great.

When the picture taking ended, it did look more like a party. The survivors were scarce but there were some. Starting from Italy brothers, they survived. Somewhat. Seborga was up some tree so he managed to hide away from most of the mess Romano survived as well but that was mostly because Romano called the brought beer “worse than piss” and refused to drink it. Italy drank a bit of it and lightweight as he was, Romano forbade him drinking anymore, swearing insults at him for drinking it. Spain opted to watch them over, otherwise he would probably get some of his own alcohol.

On the side of American family, England took quite a liking to a beer to nobody’s surprise. So, France took charge on that front. And fell gloriously into depths of regret. It took a good amount of beer but when England started to ramble he wouldn’t stop. About America, about Frog, about Canada, about his brothers... Just endless ranting and rambling. Meanwhile, Russia and America decided to settle their difference over alcohol contest. Canada tried to discourage America but few jabs from Russia and he was in. So, China and Canada spectated. America was somewhat confident until Russia pulled a bottle of vodka from his coat. But the hero never backs down!

Meanwhile, Hungary, Austria, Germany and Prussia had… fun. Austria supposedly drank something and went to sleep. Prussia drank like bottomless pit he was, and Hungary joined him. Germany refuse to drink more than two bottles as he recognized that he will be driving to Italy brothers’ home.  China didn’t drink and Japan, reserved nation he was, drank only out of good manners.

It was decided that party was ending when America kissed the grass. Russia was completely unaffected, they were just on the end of the first bottle. America would later, later as in two days later when world stopped spinning for him, proclaim that Russia won the battle but not the war. Canada called in the helicopter that they came with. France pretty much kicked England in while Canada did same to America, however, he did it much gentler. Soldiers took the table back and remaining food, what a surprise.

“Canada, would you take me home as well?”

“Sure thing France.”

“Ah, thank you my dear Canada. Even if I have to fly with this drunk English duck.”

“Sod off you…” England pauses from his seat. “Wanker.”

“Oui, watch out to not burn your brain Angleterre.”

“Shut up!” Canada sighs.

“Anyone else needs a lift, eh?”

“I am sorry to impose, Canada but could you take Austria, Hungary and my bruder?  

“No way West! I’ll come with you!” Germany weights his options. His brother is stubborn, way too stubborn. He won’t budge when drunk.

“Ja. Than just Hungary and Austria?”

“Sure, thing Germany.” Canada turns to Russia, China and Japan. “Do you need a lift?”

“Not at all. I will take them home with my helicopter. It’s just over the hill you see.” Russia smiled, and Japan flinched. He exchanged quick look with Germany before surrendering to his fate.

“Wait, who choose this bastard to drive us?” Romano speaks up and promptly yawns a moment later. Figures, they missed their siesta, didn’t they? Italy is already dozing. If he didn’t doze already, he would surely speak up against Germany driving them home, considering his Germany and GPS experience.

“Italy bothered me with something he wanted to show me anyway.”

“Spain can drive!” Romano barks and Spain holds his hands in the air.

“No gracias, I’d rather enjoy the ride.” And with that settled, the ones to stay were Romano, Italy, Seborga, Spain, Germany and Prussia. Plus, or minus the bird that nestled on Prussia’s head. Which left them with question of seating. Thankfully, Seborga opted to go on his own, saying that he saw a beautiful woman nearby which he needed to find. Now all seats were accounted for. In backseats were seated Italy, Romano and Spain while on the front seat is Prussia. And while it is not advisable to get drunk Prussia on the front, its better than putting him next to sleeping Italy or pissy Romano.

The ride was… pretty enjoyable, Germany thought. His brother was loud at the beginning, but he quickly quieted down when he was shushed about Italy sleeping. Romano was quiet, although Germany guessed that was because he was sleepy, and Spain enjoyed sightseeing. All in all, it went pretty well.

When they arrived, Germany planned on carrying Italy to his room but was met with angry Romano who-

“Oi, sleepy idiot! Wake up!” Italy jerked awake.

“Is it training time already- Oh, we are home? Ve~”

“Si. Get your lazy ass into the room.”

“Si fratello.” Italy went first while Romano followed, looking rather angrily at Germany.

“I’ll never understand Italians.” Germany grumbled under his breath. “Bruder wake up!” with that Prussia flinched awake.

“I am awake!” he yawns.

“Living room, on the left. There are couches. Go crash on one.”

“Ja, West.” And so, Prussia picks himself up and leaves Germany with Spain who is currently unloading tomatoes from the car.

“Do you need any help with that?” Germany asks.

“Hm? No, gracias.” Spain lifts the crate with ease. “Actually, could you open the door?”

“Ja.” Germany takes the camera and follows the other, opening him the door to the house.

“Gracias.” And by the door was Romano. Angry looking Romano. Like that was a surprise.

“You drove us Potato bastard, you can go home now.”

“Didn’t I tell you? Italy wanted to show me something.”

“My stupid brother is sleeping.”

“Romano be good to the guest.” Calls Spain from kitchen as he settles the crate on the floor.

“This is my house.” Romano barks out again.

“Romano, I didn’t teach you to act like this.” Spain uses a more sternest voice Germany heard from him in a while. And surprisingly, Romano backs down.

“Tch. Whatever. Siesta. Don’t break the house you assholes.” He stumps off upstairs and Germany is pretty sure he still fumes.

“He let in Prussia but didn’t let you in? Ay dios mio, he never learns.” Spain shakes his head and walks back to the kitchen. “Say, Germany, what will you do here?”

“I will tidy the place a bit. It’s a mess.” Germany replies, looking at scattered clothes and other… stuff.

“Too bad! I hoped you would help with cooking.” Germany hears rumble of pots and different utensils from kitchen.

“I highly doubt Romano would touch, much less eat something I’ve made.”

“Fair point.” With that the house melts in comfortable silence. Germany leaves the camera on the first place he can and starts gathering the clothes that were scattered. About half an hour in, pleasant smell starts to spread from the kitchen. Germany had to admit, it was rather familiar. Somewhat similar to Italy’s cooking but not quite. Much more like Romano’s perhaps. That being said, he only tried Romano’s cooking here and there, when Italy snuck the food out and forced him to. With that in consideration, he was not the best judge. As he was going back to cleaning, the comfortable silence was interrupted. And who other would it be than-

“Spain! Spaiin!” Prussia was whispering from the top of stairs, borderline to talking. “Spa- West! Come up, come up!” Germany dully noted that camera he left a half an hour ago, was in Prussia’s hands.

“I thought I told you to crush on the sofa and sleep!” Germany speaks a little louder.

“Shhhh! You will ruin the moment!” now Prussia is louder and Germany sighs.

“What’s the rumble?” Spain looks out of kitchen, spatula in his hand, tomato stain on his shirt.

“Spain, come up, come up! You have to see this!”

“Really?” Spain disappears, supposedly to turn of the stove and throws the spatula somewhere, charging upstairs. Germany reluctantly follows, sure to regret whatever will unfold before him. Turns out they end up in Italy brother’s shared room. Germany doesn’t know what to expect honestly. Prussia and Spain are both leaning from doorstep inwards, sensible enough to keep at least some concept of personal space and privacy.

“Oh, you came West? Look!”

“They are so cute!” Spain notes, mostly in his own thoughts. Germany sighs, looking from the side, trying to be as unintrusive as he can.

Two brothers crashed in one bed, as per usual. Nothing special there really. Strangest thing was that both kept their clothes on, which Germany wrote off to general exhaustion. What Prussia and Spain were calling cute was actual arrangement they slept in. Usually, Germany didn’t know further than that brothers slept in the same bed as he seldom going in someone’s room without permission, much less when that person is sleeping. It surprised him quite as well. Romano was sleeping on the right side of the bed, further from door. He was on his back, one hand spread out towards the door. Under the hand was Italy nestled, closer to Romano than he would _ever_ allow without screaming. And while they slept, Germany had to admit, they were quite similar. Not in looks but in demeanour and the face expression.

Before Germany finished the thought, there was Prussia, snapping a picture- two and- Germany yanked him by the collar out of the room with some protest. After that, he un-glued Spain and slowly closed the door, leaving them to sleep. Spain and Prussia retreated, looking at the pictures, Gilbird around Prussia’s head chippering. Germany sighed.

Much later, when the brothers came for food, they would notice the pictures taken. But that mess of yells and insults was a whole other tale.

**Author's Note:**

> At this point I would explain story details but there is nothing to explain.  
> Just pure fun fic I wrote to take a break from my long fic.  
> Hope I stayed in character for most of these since I write them for the first time.  
> Thank you for reading!


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